That Friday Feeling...

... I have it and I cannot wait for the weekend to start. I am itching to go to a meeting, it's been my first full week back after my binge-y Seattle trip and I crave the support of the group. I haven't been to a meeting on Monday, as there was a work do and when I went to group therapy on Wednesday, I ended up listening to a lecture rather then letting off steam at group. I wanted to go to a meeting yesterday prior to going to the theatre with the British Boy, but found out, that group was cancelled due to electricity problems in the building.

Luckily I was able to have a call with a friend, who just made me feel so much better. It felt like my own private meeting, where I could complain and think out loud and get stuff out of my head, before my kopfkino started.

So, this morning, I checked in as such:

Yesterday, I was thankful for sticking to my food plan, for the sunshine, for a long walk and talk with a friend, for watching a lovely piece of theatre.

Today, I am feeling thankful for being able to run to the office despite the rain, for hot water. I am anxious about a couple of deadlines and meetings, and just acknowledge that there is fear  and that whatever gets done today and whatever is left undone, I am enough.

I am also anxious about dinner tonight, when we have friends come round. I will write my food plan to my sponsor now and will surrender to it.

I am a commitment to balance and surrender.

Breakfast was Overnight Oats topped with whole fat sheep's yoghurt, grapefruit, Sharon fruit, muesli mix, kasha & cinnamon.

Lunch was a big salad from the canteen with chicken, peas, sweet corn, mixed beans, whole wheat croutons, almonds, broccoli, beet root and caper berries. Drizzled with Peri-Peri sauce and balsamic vinegar.

Once my workday is over, I'll head up to a meeting and then home for the dinner that I both look forward to and also dread.

I ran to work this morning, 5 miles in a drizzly grey London, because I got so freaked out about dinner, so worried about all the calories that the food and alcohol represent, that I felt I had to offset the intake by doing some exercise. I know this might be normal for normal people, i.e. thinking 'I will work out today, which will balance out that I might splurge a bit tonight', but I have to be honest. I was feeling compulsive about it. Had I not run in, I would have been a miserable person and would not at all look forward to dinner. I am already nervous as it is, but without the run I'd have been in tatters. At least, that's what I think.

It's so darn difficult, I think I have an exercise addiction - I get really antsy if I don't work out and letting that go will be one of the things I will start working on.

One step at a time - today, all I need to do is stick to my plan and get to a meeting.