When I envisioned this day, the first double digit warm Sunday this year, I saw myself surrounded by friends, in a floaty and fashionable ensemble sitting in one of the inviting pub gardens, soaking up the sun whilst sipping a refreshing beverage and smiling lovingly at my wonderful husband. Reality check: curled up in foetal position on our spare room sofa, tear stained cheeks and mucus filled nostrils, whilst unwilling to talk to the man cuz it just makes me sad at the moment.
Catastrophizing, that's what my shrink calls it. It's the tendency to make the Alps out of a molehill. Not just the Alps, but being alone on the highest mountain of the Alps during the shittiest weather conditions without any gear or protection, all the while an avalanche hurtles towards me.
One might say that this sort of thinking and attitude is not necessarily in line with balance. Like, not even a little. Or at all.
The origin of the, as my dear friend Christin calls it, 'wormy day' (like an apple that has a worm in it, might look good on the outside, but once you take a bite, you've got a mouthful of worm shit to deal with) was his comment that I should try using expedia to search for our weekend getaway accommodation. I pointed out that tripadvisor was fine, thankyouverymuch. Cue - aggressive tone of voice from the Brit. I conveniently forgot that I might have sounded snarky to begin with and went into a downward spiral of insecurity and neediness.
I caught and held and was compassionate with myself though. Let myself cry, had a good long hug with the man and spat on my finger to wipe away the mascara stains.
Writing this blog also helps for sure. Food so far this weekend:
The British Boy brought me a cappuccino in bed despite suffering from man flu. Unpictured breakfast was chorizo and bean soup after acupuncture, followed by a meeting and a walk home with an OA friend. Lunch before meeting with my sponsor was a bowl of kale, roasted sweet potato, onion, red bell peppers, mushrooms and tomato topped with goats cheese.
I walked home in the rain from her house, arrived completely drenched. Squelchy shoes all the way. For dinner, we got Indian take away. My staple is a small fish tikka and a small chicken tikka. I ate the fish one on a bed of salad with daal masala as dressing spooned on top. I also had one poppadom, a solero, a hot chocolate and a piece of sea salt chocolate.
Later in the eve, I had an apple too. I had been running 4 miles and walked about another 5 miles, so my body probably needed it.
This morning, with the sun beckoning and the warm breeze, I had a smoothie made of kale, frozen spinach, frozen banana and frozen raspberries. It also contained some raw oats and coconut milk. All blended up, topped with blueberries, buckwheat groats, coconut and cinnamon.
This is a great summer favourite of mine and I cannot wait for the warmer weather to stay.
Time to help the British Boy moving some top soil to make sure our garden will be ready in time to sow our veg out next weekend.
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