Beef minon or how to have a wonderful Friday night

To most people, this is known as filet mignon or fillet steak. Not to my friend Christin, she calls it beef minon, and it was the best minon I had in a long long time. She recently moved into this new flat in London and I had serious kitchen envy when I saw her on Friday. I mean, seriously, isn't this ridiculously perfect:

Perfect kitchen

We started with a cheese plate and then had juicy, perfectly medium rare steak. Finished off with red wine, chocolate and a Ryan Gosling movie. Perfect Friday night.

Perfect minon

So, on the mental health front, my spiritual mentor sent me a note about her secret garden. Here is my check-in in response on Friday morning:

 

I love secret gardens and when I read this, my mind conjured up this big walled, ivy-shrouded place, where there are deep dark green trees, whose leaves whisper in the breeze, and fragrant bushes and a clearing with a lush green meadow and wild flowers and a  murmuring stream running through and the sun tickling the tip of my nose and the smell of damp, fertile earth and goodness. Aah – mental holidays. Makes me smile.

I had a good day yesterday, work is less busy, my presentation went well and everyone seems to be less stressed. The beginning of the summer low. I met with my therapist and we spoke about self-esteem. In my aftercare group on Wednesday, the therapist challenged me to find esteem-able acts to do for myself and I came up empty handed. Self esteem – means knowing and feeling the worthiness of oneself undoubtedly and feeling love for self. I am unsure how to practise that.

Today, I am a bit unsure what to do with myself. I don’t have pressing deadlines, but have a few things to tackle. It seems, now that the pressure has eased, my drive slacks too. I have been looking at houses for Max and I to buy in Germany. I found a few nice ones, unfortunately in the wrong locations. I feel that there might be compromises coming our way in where or what we’re getting.

I’m anxious about dinner with friends we have planned for tomorrow eve, they’re all bringing a cheese per couple (there is 3 couples plus us) and we already have a starter, main and dessert and I just want to learn from my mistakes in the past, where alcohol and carelessness have led to me overeating and feeling crap afterwards. I did have food plans then and the fear of missing out was so strong that I ate more and once I had gone over my food plan I had this ‘fuck it’ attitude and just ate more and more. I didn’t like how I felt the next day/week at all. Maybe my plan was too strict (hah, who am I kidding – I was greedy and wanted more though I didn’t need it). It’s tough to stick to a plan. I will mentally go through what I will be eating and how much and I will stick to it (might text someone in OA after each of the courses).  

 I am a commitment to balance.