So, this blog thing actually saved a draft of what I wrote yesterday when I was in a dark spot. I think I'll publish it, it's an insight into my fucked up thinking. Yesterday, around lunchtime: "Gosh, I want to eat and not stop. I am angry at myself and fed up. I have eaten more than I intended, snacked mindlessly and then some more on purpose with that 'all or nothing' mind-set - thinking 'now I've blown it, so might as well go all out'.
What frustrates me even more, aside from having lost control, is that I have the tools to get better and recover and then don't use them. Or I expect things to happen quickly and to see results immediately and to feel all happy all the time. Yet, as several smart ladies and gents mentioned, it's a progress, it's something that I should try and NOT control, so even saying that I lost control over my eating means that I was under the illusion of being in control of it."
Even though I actually ended up eating 2 or 3 more snacks than intended, overall, I was still within what a normal person might eat. It's very hard for me to gauge normal portion sizes.
Today is a new day and I am reading a book by Brene Brown which I find quite affirming, and yes, I slightly cringe at the hippy-ishness and self-help book lingo, but it is helping me to not punish myself. Last night, I read this sentence and it just resonates with me, because at the moment I am anxious about a lot of things. "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough."
No comments:
Post a Comment