Hah, all high and mighty yesterday and I feel it's now catching up with me. I was working from home, feeling all grand about my ability to not snack and then started thinking about working from home today too. After talking to the British Boy, I was unsure whether it would be a good idea or not. He did not think so. I thought so. I then started changing my mind. Drives me nuts how easily I am influenced by other. Why can I not stand my ground?!? Well, it's because me standing my ground in the past meant I puked a lot. But still, I really don't like not being sure of myself.
Anyway, I went to work and have been surrounded by snacks - savoury ones, sweet ones, chocolaty ones, and for some reason or another, I have been snacking non-stop today. I told the Brit that I would stick to two, committing myself to that action, and then I ended up having one here, one there, each time I pass the bloody friggin desk with all that stuff on it.
Bottom line: I ate a lot more than what I'm comfortable with. Not binge-sized snacks, but a constant stream of stuff that puts me above my calorie limit (yes, I count calories and yes, I want to be able to feel ok to stop at one point, but am too scared at the moment). I have a dinner party to attend tonight with some friends who are all aware of my eating disorder, but I actually would feel best if I didn't eat at all.
Erm, that's not a good idea. It's not at all healthy to restrict on the anorexic side and I need to eat to nourish my body. I have eaten more than I wanted to and that's fine. It will not result in me turning into the Michelin man, nor will it do any good if I restrict. I am a commitment to balance and damnit, balance I shall.
Ah, feeling better having written this already.
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