Back in the swing of things

I feel more grounded today. More like I'm back in the swing of things. I received the sweetest, kindest message from one of my fellows, thanking me for urging her to come back and for offering my help on Sunday. It made me feel so useful and thankful and just warm and gooey in the heart.

And then I catch sight of my belly and how it's slightly rounded and I don't know if it's in my head because of Seattle or if it's true, but I feel like it's bigger and I find myself being disgusted with myself. I even catch myself scrunching up my face in disgust. It's so hard to be aware that I'm doing that and also then to stop myself. I will continue trying.

So far, food has been good today. Slightly more snacking than intended, but nothing alarming.

Breakfast was whipped banana oatmeal topped with apple, kasha (roasted buckwheat) and pepita sun seed butter from Naturally Nutty, which I bought at the Great Harvest Bread Co in Seattle a few days ago. Ah-ma-zing... Organic, slightly sweet and crunchy, yet not totally sticky. I really like this sun seed butter. Wish I had bought the big tub...

After meetings and several hours of intense work, I had a huge bowl of kale, brown rice, roasted sweet potatoes with sautéed mushrooms, zucchini, onion and carrot sprinkled with nutritional yeast.

Very filling, yet I found myself having an apple, a square of dark chocolate, half a flax muffin and a small bag of oat bakes throughout the afternoon.

I'm currently feeling full, slightly lazy and very very tired. I wish I could go to bed, but I made a commitment to go to pilates this PM, so I should. I will.

And I want to stop eating just out of boredom. I'm not even hungry most of the times... just craving to fill the hole in me. Food only fills it temporarily though and not at all in a satisfying way.